Maxine Clancy is a love and divorce coach who helps people to heal their heartache and move on after divorce or separation. Maxine recently hosted an expert Q&A for the Frolo community and here she shares some thoughts on how to be ready for love.
One of the things I most love about my work is helping men and women to have a transformation in their love relationships, especially the one they have with themselves.
Whether you are still going through separation and divorce or on the other side of things and looking for love, one of the most important love relationships you will ever have is with yourself. This paves the way to easier dating and happier, healthier future relationships.
In our Q&A session we covered some common issues that arise when dating as a single parent after divorce or during separation. I’ve summed up some key themes below.
Dating Brings Up Our Issues
It’s important to acknowledge that if you haven’t done any inner work in between your divorce and dating, then the dating scene will trigger you. This might be experienced as disappointment, wondering why you’re bothering at all, feeling lost and disillusioned with finding love. Often clients who have been ‘trying to date’ come to me saying they think they will never find love again and they’d rather be on their own than risk getting hurt.
Love is a vibration… it’s energetic, infectious and contagious.
Here are my 3 tips on How To Get Ready For Love:
Have You Healed The Past?
A clear sign that you haven’t healed past relationships is when you have limiting beliefs around love and relationships. These might sound like; ‘Men or women can’t be trusted’, ‘I always attract the wrong type’, ‘There’s no good men (or women) out there’. Or you might decide you would rather be alone as ‘relationships are too much trouble’.
TIP: Listen to what you’re saying inside your head. What do you believe? Will that belief stop you from attracting love? Do some inner work on transforming these beliefs.
Remember, ‘It’s Not Personal‘
Have you ever got upset when you messaged someone online and they didn’t respond? Do you find yourself thinking they don’t like you or your profile? It’s natural to think that way but it’s not true. They haven’t met you yet, so how can they not like you?
The only reason we make things personal is because our ego is designed to see the world in relation to ourselves, so we are constantly referring everything back to us, and personalising it.
TIP: Remember that someone’s behaviour is about them, and your response or reaction tells you about you. A better question to ask yourself is; ‘What else could this mean?’
One of the most important love relationships you will ever have is with yourself.
Focus on Being Love Rather Than Finding Love
My observations when clients come to me, is that they are fixated on finding the right person or finding love, and this brings up a feeling of anxiety, worry and fear. They start to doubt themselves and often try to mould themselves into being what they think the other person wants. This leads to inauthenticity, a lack of dates, low self-esteem and disappointment.
TIP: Practice embodying love in your life. Be loving, be kind, (to yourself too). If you hate your life, your job or home, do something about it. Do things that you love to do, and experience more love in your life BEFORE you meet someone.
Love is a vibration… it’s energetic, infectious and contagious. When you are being and living the substance of love, you will attract love to you.
Find out more about Maxine and how she can help you heal following divorce on her website.