Single Parent Wellbeing: 5 Ways to Protect Mental Health During Lockdown

Are you struggling to cope with lockdown as a single parent? Overwhelmed by the relentless and the isolation? Orla McKeating has some advice.

“Night! Love you. Love you more, yes, love, ok. Yup bye. Night. Bye, bye, bye…” I close the door gently, tip toe away like he suddenly has hyper hearing abilities now he’s in his room. Then it’s silence. Breathe in. And breathe out again.  The moment I’ve been waiting for all day. Silence. 

Some nights this is filled with motivation to get all the work done during these quiet hours of the evening, some nights it’s a book in the bath night, some straight into bed and some nights it’s deafening silence. Isolating. And a bit shit. You see, we are all superheroes with superpowers us single parents. We wear ALL the hats and take ALL the credit and it’s amazeballs. Then there’s the co-parenting, all the two house admin, the stuff that comes along with that.

And sometimes it’s just silence. 

I often think, wouldn’t it just be so super lovely to be looked after for a while?! For someone else to make the dinner, give you the chance to get out for essential exercise and parent you for once?! Well, hold that thought for a sec, or for another few months anyway because LOCKDOWN. So for the next while, we are going to be focussing on having that person parent us but it’s going to be you. Hear me out. You read the part about superheroes. You got this. 

You know the way you listen to your little one when they’re sad? And you comfort and tell them it’s ok to be sad and they don’t have to be happy all the time? And you know the way when the little ones are tired, you put them to bed, you cancel all the things that don’t matter, and you just know that sleep is what is going to make things better? And when the older children are struggling? Those really kind, empathetic words you use to them for comfort, for connection and to let them know they’re not alone? Flip that around.

What would happen if, when you feel all of those things you comfort others about, you were able to just sit with yourself, your feelings and did things for you? Things would change massively. Mindset would change. Magic would happen. Not as in the magic that sends you off on an all you can drink champagne cruise along the River Seine in Paris for the evening, but long term, life changing magic. Learning to accept your feelings, to accept you just as you are, that you are alive. You have feelings and needs and that’s okay. Throw a global pandemic in the mix, uncertainty with jobs, home schooling, isolation and the world just seems a bit flat.

What would happen if, when you feel all of those things you comfort others about, you were able to just sit with yourself, your feelings and did things for you?

Here are some things that have really helped me the last few months.

Find joy in the little things

This may look like instead of scrolling through Instagram for half an hour, lying in the bath with a book. It could be as little as putting your clothes on the radiator to heat them up before you put them on (this feels like a big warm hug I promise!). Or just clean bed sheets and an early night. Do you.

Avoid Fast Fun

We are all so aware of the quick fixes. Alcohol, food, online dating, social media. Avoid finding short term comfort in these places. Focus on things that make you feel good mentally and physically. Like eating beautiful healthy, fresh food, movement or getting up half an hour earlier for a quiet coffee alone.

Reach Out to Others

Leave a voice note or message for someone you’re missing. Arrange a call or a virtual night out on Zoom. If this isn’t your bag, send a meme or a throwback photo that might bring them some joy. Tell them you miss them and are thinking about them or just have banter. Connect. You’ll feel better for it. 

Leave a voice note or message for someone you’re missing.

Give Thanks

Practise gratitude. This may look like writing a list of three things you’re grateful for in the morning or evening, but this will massively change your mindset and bring you on the journey of appreciating the positives during these tough times.

One of my personal heroes Arianna Huffington says in her book Thrive, “Gratitude works its magic by serving as an antidote to negative emotions. It’s like white blood cells for the soul, protecting us from cynicism, entitlement, anger, and resignation.” Gratitude also lowers stress levels, allows you to gain a new perspective and focus on what really matters and is your own personal safe zone where you can really unpack. 

Gratitude works its magic by serving as an antidote to negative emotions. It’s like white blood cells for the soul.

Be kind to you!

Remember to look after you. You can’t pour from an empty cup. 

It takes 66 days to create a new habit. What is hard now will be easier tomorrow. You can do this, and you will. 

Remember you have 100% success rate so far. You are loved. You are enough and you are worthy. 

Someday you’ll look back at this time and wonder how the hell you did it and look at yourself in awe. Keep going superhero!

Read more from Orla on her Instagram channel.