There’s a version of co-parenting that gets talked about a lot, and it’s one many people feel they should be aiming for. It’s calm, collaborative, and centred entirely around the child. Communication is open, decisions are shared, and both parents are broadly aligned in how they approach things. For some families, that’s achievable. For many others, it simply isn’t.

Reset your expectations

If your relationship with your child’s other parent is strained, inconsistent or emotionally charged, then trying to force that ideal can make things feel worse rather than better. You might find yourself overthinking every message, dreading contact, or feeling like you’re constantly managing someone else’s behaviour alongside your own responsibilities. In that context, advice about ‘working as a team’ can feel not only unrealistic but quietly invalidating.

A more useful starting point is to accept that co-parenting doesn’t have to look collaborative in order to be effective. In situations where communication is difficult or trust is low, a structured and boundaried approach is often more sustainable. This is where the idea of parallel parenting becomes helpful, not as a failure to co-parent well, but as a deliberate choice to reduce conflict and create stability. Instead of trying to align everything, the focus shifts to making your own home consistent and predictable, while keeping interaction with the other parent as simple and contained as possible.

Practical changes that work

In practical terms, this often means changing how communication happens. Many parents find that moving conversations into written form makes a noticeable difference. It creates space to respond rather than react, and it reduces the likelihood of conversations escalating in the moment. Tools like OurFamilyWizard are designed specifically for this, allowing messages, schedules and key information to sit in one place, separate from the emotional tone that can creep into texts or calls. Similarly, services like amicable can help formalise arrangements and reduce the ambiguity that often leads to conflict.

Alongside tools, small behavioural shifts can have a disproportionate impact. Keeping messages short and focused on practical details, avoiding rehashing past disagreements, and resisting the urge to correct or challenge every point can all help to lower the temperature over time. This isn’t about letting things go or accepting poor behaviour, but about choosing where your energy is most usefully spent. In many cases, the goal is not to improve the relationship itself, but to make it less disruptive to your day-to-day life.

Think functional rather than fair

One of the more difficult adjustments is letting go of the idea that things should feel fair. You may well be doing more of the organising, the emotional labour, and the day-to-day care. That imbalance can be deeply frustrating, particularly if it feels unseen or unacknowledged. While it’s important to recognise that feeling, it can also be helpful to separate fairness from effectiveness. A setup can be unequal and still be functional. Focusing on what you can control, your routines, your boundaries, your relationship with your child, tends to be more productive than waiting for the dynamic to even out.

Finally, it’s worth recognising how isolating difficult co-parenting can be. It’s not always something that translates easily in conversation, and advice from people outside the situation can sometimes miss the nuance. Being able to talk to other single parents who understand the reality, including the compromises and frustrations, can make a significant difference. That’s something many people find through Frolo, whether it’s sharing practical tips, asking how others handle similar situations, or simply having somewhere to say ‘this is hard’ without having to explain why. Our co-parenting Group Chat is particularly useful for this.

There isn’t a single right way to co-parent, particularly when the relationship itself is challenging. If your approach creates stability for your child and makes your own life more manageable, that’s a strong measure of success, even if it looks very different from the version you once expected.

👉 You can join Frolo to connect with other single parents navigating co-parenting in all its forms, and find advice that reflects real life rather than the ideal.

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