There’s an assumption that time neatly heals everything. That once the paperwork is done, routines are established, and life looks settled from the outside, the difficult feelings should fade away.

But for many single parents, that isn’t how it works.

Even years after a divorce or separation, there can be moments that still sting. Not because someone hasn’t moved on, but because some losses aren’t tied to a timeline. They show up quietly, unexpectedly, and often when everything else is going well.

Here are some of the things our community tell us can still hurt, long after the initial upheaval has passed.

Milestones that don’t look how you imagined

School plays, parents’ evenings, birthdays, Christmas mornings. These moments can still bring a sharp reminder that life didn’t turn out the way you once pictured it.

Even when co-parenting is amicable, there can be a sense of something missing. Not necessarily the other person, but the shared experience. The feeling of being part of a team.

The loneliness of the “off” days

When children are with their other parent, the house can feel unusually quiet, even years down the line. Many single parents describe this as one of the hardest parts to explain.

It’s not always about missing the children themselves – it’s the sudden absence of structure, noise, and purpose. The space where family life usually lives.

Being the only adult who carries the mental load

Over time, single parents often become incredibly capable. But that doesn’t mean the responsibility stops feeling heavy.

Being the person who remembers everything, manages everything, and absorbs the emotional weight of family life can still feel overwhelming, even after years of doing it.

Feeling out of step with other people

As friends’ lives continue to follow more traditional paths, single parents can still feel slightly out of sync. Conversations about holidays, finances, or family plans can highlight differences that never quite disappear.

It’s not always dramatic. It’s just a quiet sense of not fully belonging in the same way anymore.

Comments that land differently than intended

“Well, you’re used to it now.”
“You’re so strong.”
“At least you’re independent.”

Often these comments are meant kindly, but they can still sting. They overlook the fact that coping doesn’t mean things don’t hurt, and independence isn’t the same as not needing support.

Grieving the life you thought you’d have

One of the most persistent, and least talked about, experiences after divorce is grief for the future you imagined.

Even when life is good, even when there’s happiness and stability, that sense of loss can resurface. It doesn’t mean someone regrets their choices. It means they’re human.

When old feelings resurface unexpectedly

A song, a smell, a place, or a small moment can suddenly bring everything back. This can be surprising, especially years later, and it can trigger feelings of frustration or self-doubt.

Why does this still affect me?

The answer is usually simple: because it mattered.

You’re not going backwards

Feeling these things doesn’t mean someone hasn’t healed. It doesn’t mean they’re stuck, or doing something wrong. It means they’ve lived through a major change, and some emotional echoes remain.

At Frolo, we hear this again and again from our community. Healing isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about learning how to carry it more gently.

If some things still hurt, even years on, you’re not alone. And you’re not failing to move on. You’re just human, navigating a life that changed shape.

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