Single parent getting back into dating? Good news – the perfect time to reassess what you want out of your sex life is NOW.

By Dating and Relationship Coach Brian Dunn

If you’re a single parent back on the scene after being with one partner for a good while, you may be out of practice when it comes to knowing how to create a passionate and steamy relationship – or even knowing what you want. 

Well the good news is that now is the perfect time to reassess what you want your sex life to look like. Try something new, do something new and even BE someone new in the bedroom! 

Let’s start by redefining what “sex” is

When most people think about “sex,” they thinking of the act or performance of penetrative sex. But sex is much more than that. 

Sex is pleasure. Sex is play. Sex is exploration. Sex is intimate physical and emotional connection.

The things we traditionally consider “foreplay,” such as kissing and touching, manual and oral stimulation, are more than just an appetizer. They are a part of the same dance. They are a critical part of pleasure and play and a maintaining a satisfying sex life.

18 ways to get things nice and spicy

  • Give sexting a try. Anticipation is hottttt. Start with just telling them how hot your last session was, or that you can’t stop thinking about how good it felt. If you’re feeling a little more bold, tell them how much you enjoyed that specific thing they did, or what you’re looking forward to doing to them tonight. Let your imagination run wild. Get your mind INTO the gutter.
  • Use your words. Dirty talk doesn’t have to be complicated. Tell your partner how good they look or feel or taste, how you love what they’re doing to you, or what you want them to keep doing, or do next. As you build up confidence, you may be surprised about what comes out of your mouth (as you’re putting something else into your mouth).
  • Slow down and take your time. Make it fun. Shift the focus of your sexy time away from racing to an orgasm and towards connection, exploration, and pleasure.
  • Talk about sex with your partner! Talk about what you like and don’t like, what turns you on, and any fantasies you’d like to explore together. 
  • What are you into? Do a “Yes / No / Maybe” list together to see what new sexy activities you can try for fun. 
  • Get a little kinky. Blindfolds and restraints (eg, handcuffs), anyone? If you’ve done kinky already, get a little kinkier!
  • Variety is the spice of life. And of sex. Get out of the bedroom and get frisky in the living room, kitchen, or anywhere else in the house you haven’t christened yet.
  • Give yourself a change of scenery. Do the things you used to do when you started dating. Get a hotel in the city, grab dinner, go dancing, and head back to the hotel for a night of steamy passion.
  • Don’t get caught! Explore some serious PDA in a public place, and by the time you get home you won’t be able to make it past the front door. Hot hot hotttt.
  • Steamy car windows! Find a romantic or secluded spot to explore the backseat of your car together.
  • Did someone say…lingerie? Treat yourself or your partner to some sexy lace, or maybe something with leather and straps…?
  • Have a play date and buy some new toys. Go online shopping together, or head to your local adult toy shop. The real fun begins when you unbox them…
  • Explore your own body, on your own (and without porn or other stimulation). Get to know what makes you feel good, where and how you like to be touched, what turns you on, what makes you come, so you can show and communicate that to your partner.
  • Movie night. Watch a steamy movie, a documentary about sex, or even some porn together.
  • How about giving your partner a massage? How about a massage with massage oil? Or a massage candle for some hot (but not too hot) wax drip action? 
  • Create a “sexy time” playlist, and switch what you’re doing every time a song ends. Take turns picking the next position or way to please (or tease) your partner.
  • Make it all about them. Take turns on different days to fully devote the time to each other’s pleasure, whatever they want in or out of bed. Each person gets to direct the scene and have their sexiest wishes fulfilled.
  • How long can you hold out? Set a rule for no penetration for the first 30 minutes (or an hour, or a week even). Have fun making out, foreplay, and exploring each other’s bodies, or anything else you can think of. And maybe have a few (dozen) orgasms in the process… 

Sex and sexual pleasure isn’t a race to the finish line. It’s a life-long pleasure practice and dating new people when you’re a single parent is the perfect time to work on it!

So be creative, ask what your partner likes, be adventurous together, and most importantly, have fun.

Brian Dunn is a dating & relationship coach based in San Francisco, California. For more from Brian, follow him on Instagram or visit his website – briancdunn.com

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